It's a rare, rainy day here in Colorado and I have a few child-free hours. My plan was to begin packing up some basement things (seasonal items, etc.), but Jon suggested that I use this time to think. Think through a list of To Dos, come up with a moving schedule, etc. Probably a good idea, this thinking thing. The events of last week need some processing, and we need a plan.
In truth, last week was horrid, bottoming out on Thursday. For starters, there was a terribly sad tragedy with one of Jon's co-workers. That difficulty, coupled with numerous visitors and an above average work load made for a very hard week for Jon.
Additionally you may recall from the last post, that we received an offer on the house on Tuesday, which fell through by Wednesday afternoon. Well, that wasn't the end of it. There was further back and forth until... I guess until my tipping point was reached. You see, I also spent a good deal of Wednesday looking through our photos of 2011 (I do a Best Of album each year). So many lovely memories, and the ache of what we are about to lose really sank in. So on Thursday, when we were asked to take an even greater loss on the house, I just lost it. It wasn't a lot of extra money, and I tried to be unemotional about the whole thing, but that was not going to happen. Not one penny more, I thought. It's just too much to ask.
And would you believe that was the right choice? Turns out emotional decisions are not all bad. In this vein I think of Ruth and Naomi. Ruth made an entirely emotional and illogical decision to stay with Naomi, and look where it led. I've been taking such comfort in the story of Ruth and Naomi lately. Obviously, we are not in such dire straights over here, but it is a great example of hope and God's faithfulness in times of great change, when life brings it's shocking turns. It's okay to feel sad and angry and emotional. God would rather we beat His chest than beat empty air. At least then we're facing the right way.
So back to our own story. The original buyers ended up backing down from their initial request and agreed to draw up a contract with the original terms. But in the meantime another offer came up. Our realtor took the reigns, there was some back and forth, and we ended up accepting a better offer from the second buyer. We're still losing a ton of money, but every little bit helps. This example reminds me that God is also in Maryland, preparing a place for us. So we've been praying with the kids about this very thing, specifically that He will provide good friends for them, and schools they will love. Something concrete and practical they can look forward to.
Time to start packing.
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Monday, May 7, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Twenty-one and counting
I'm slightly strung out on Vicodin today, owing to three gum grafts that were implanted this morning. It's my second of four surgeries (gotta drag it out, thanks to insurance) and no more fun the second time around.
The upside is that I have child-free day to recover (big thanks to Jon's parents!) and hence a spare moment to sit down and process our lives for the last month or so. All the bits and pieces and cleaning and odds and ends that come with preparing for The Showing of a house were finally completed and our house has had 21 visits so far. And if all goes well, we'll be under contract later today. I ought to be rejoicing about that, but it really doesn't feel very good. We're losing so much money that I'm feeling mild to moderately depressed. Granted, it will be a relief to stop the constant cleaning and attention to detail that comes with showings. (True confession: my inner clean freak was thrilled to have an excuse to clean the bathrooms, etc. every day)
Overall, ambivalence best describes our current emotions, and isn't that the most logical response to such a move? If there were nothing positive about leaving, there would be no reason to go. And if it were all positive, it would suggest there was nothing valuable left behind. As it stands, the obvious benefits are that Jon will have a job he values (and values him) and that may lead to actual job security. The obvious downsides are emotional, financial, social, familial, and just about everything else. And yet peace reigns supreme for us. We are doing the right thing. Almost every indicator points to the folly of this adventure, but we both know it is the right path. I'm pretty sure that makes this a God thing.
Communicating our internal peace and faith to the children is another matter. Isaac has been acting out lately, possibly reflecting the recent stress and and busy-ness related to The Showings. I've tried to work in some fun things while we've been out of the house (swimming, parks, zoo), hoping this extra togetherness will help. For Anna's part, her sleeping issues have worsened. She knows we're moving, inasmuch as a five year old can process that information. I've tried to couch this as an adventure, but I don't think she's buying it. If we're not moving to Disneyland, then we really shouldn't be moving at all.
One of my biggest dilemmas was how to handle Isaac's third birthday. He hasn't had a real party thus far, and I wanted to make it a special day. Thankfully, Jon's mom took on the task and we had a lovely afternoon at their house. Lunch, cake, gifts, and cousins. Isaac adores his older cousins and what could be better than an afternoon with them? Gifts, maybe. I thought the poor little guy was going to explode before we got to his gifts, so we spread them out through the day. Grandma and Grandpa watched via Skype while Isaac opened their gifts in the morning, then another gift before lunch, one before the cake, and a couple towards the end. He got a lot of Star Wars paraphernalia and car related items, which is exactly what he wanted. I am planning to throw another party with few friends once the house is under contract. My boy will have his pinata!
More immediately, we're waiting on Jon's future employer to get us the actual official offer letter. Until then, we can't know definitively which moving company we'll be able to use. Which is kind of important, no? I suppose I could begin packing the stuff in the basement, but there are spiders down there. And the days are so nice right now and the basement is so dark. Not that I can take advantage of the sunshine today, what with an ice pack on my face and sharp pain in my jaw. Apparently I can't even vacuum for 24 hours (I specifically asked about that), which is sad mostly for Isaac. He is terrified of that loud machine so I wanted to complete the chore before he returned home. Well, I shall try to make the most of this forced down time. Maybe I'll start dusting. Or maybe read The Hunger Games, if I can just convince my inner clean freak to take another Vicodin.
Update: The offer fell through and I vacuumed. I postulate a causal relationship.
The upside is that I have child-free day to recover (big thanks to Jon's parents!) and hence a spare moment to sit down and process our lives for the last month or so. All the bits and pieces and cleaning and odds and ends that come with preparing for The Showing of a house were finally completed and our house has had 21 visits so far. And if all goes well, we'll be under contract later today. I ought to be rejoicing about that, but it really doesn't feel very good. We're losing so much money that I'm feeling mild to moderately depressed. Granted, it will be a relief to stop the constant cleaning and attention to detail that comes with showings. (True confession: my inner clean freak was thrilled to have an excuse to clean the bathrooms, etc. every day)
Overall, ambivalence best describes our current emotions, and isn't that the most logical response to such a move? If there were nothing positive about leaving, there would be no reason to go. And if it were all positive, it would suggest there was nothing valuable left behind. As it stands, the obvious benefits are that Jon will have a job he values (and values him) and that may lead to actual job security. The obvious downsides are emotional, financial, social, familial, and just about everything else. And yet peace reigns supreme for us. We are doing the right thing. Almost every indicator points to the folly of this adventure, but we both know it is the right path. I'm pretty sure that makes this a God thing.
Communicating our internal peace and faith to the children is another matter. Isaac has been acting out lately, possibly reflecting the recent stress and and busy-ness related to The Showings. I've tried to work in some fun things while we've been out of the house (swimming, parks, zoo), hoping this extra togetherness will help. For Anna's part, her sleeping issues have worsened. She knows we're moving, inasmuch as a five year old can process that information. I've tried to couch this as an adventure, but I don't think she's buying it. If we're not moving to Disneyland, then we really shouldn't be moving at all.
One of my biggest dilemmas was how to handle Isaac's third birthday. He hasn't had a real party thus far, and I wanted to make it a special day. Thankfully, Jon's mom took on the task and we had a lovely afternoon at their house. Lunch, cake, gifts, and cousins. Isaac adores his older cousins and what could be better than an afternoon with them? Gifts, maybe. I thought the poor little guy was going to explode before we got to his gifts, so we spread them out through the day. Grandma and Grandpa watched via Skype while Isaac opened their gifts in the morning, then another gift before lunch, one before the cake, and a couple towards the end. He got a lot of Star Wars paraphernalia and car related items, which is exactly what he wanted. I am planning to throw another party with few friends once the house is under contract. My boy will have his pinata!
More immediately, we're waiting on Jon's future employer to get us the actual official offer letter. Until then, we can't know definitively which moving company we'll be able to use. Which is kind of important, no? I suppose I could begin packing the stuff in the basement, but there are spiders down there. And the days are so nice right now and the basement is so dark. Not that I can take advantage of the sunshine today, what with an ice pack on my face and sharp pain in my jaw. Apparently I can't even vacuum for 24 hours (I specifically asked about that), which is sad mostly for Isaac. He is terrified of that loud machine so I wanted to complete the chore before he returned home. Well, I shall try to make the most of this forced down time. Maybe I'll start dusting. Or maybe read The Hunger Games, if I can just convince my inner clean freak to take another Vicodin.
Update: The offer fell through and I vacuumed. I postulate a causal relationship.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Everything and Nothing
Everything and nothing describes what's changed since we found out that Jon's office is closing. Everything because the future has become opaque, and nothing because we still don't know if/when we're moving.
The big news came about 3-4 weeks ago, in a most Office Space-like style. As I understand it, the telephone conversation went something like this:
Head office: "You know how your lease is up in October?"
Local office: "Yes."
Head office: "Ummm, yah, soooo we're not going to be renewing that."
Suddenly Jon and his colleagues became that guy with the stapler. This leads me to Lesson 1: job security really is rare. Although I've known cognitively that Jon's position was a little precarious, I've never really embraced the mindset. I figured our lives here had worked out so well that surely we would be here forever. We had put down roots. This was supposed to be it.
Jon has been pursuing local job options, but viable opportunities are dwindling. What he does is pretty specialized, and most of that work is based out east. This leads me to Lesson 2: kids, don't specialize. At least, don't specialize too much. Choose a career with some flexibility, so you can be employed in various place. Like a doctor, or engineer, or teacher. Because let me tell you: location matters. And family matters. And friends matter. And the older you get, and the more kiddos you get, the harder it is to pull up those roots. That is lesson 3.
So are we definitely moving? No. Nothing is definite. Jon is pursuing one of those eastern jobs, but it's not a sure thing. And those other eastern opportunities? They are in places we couldn't possibly afford to live. So, we wait. If this falls through, we go to Plan C; C for Career Change. Also scary and precarious and may lead to moving.
It sounds a little dire, doesn't it? One could read this and get the sense that I (we) feel bitter and negative and are surely wearing our cranky pants. Admittedly, the initial shock led me to a quick shot of Tanqueray (No. 10, thank you), followed by a week or so of nausea and insomnia (doesn't everything lead me to insomnia?) and perhaps some cranky capris. That nervous energy funneled into obsessive cleaning and de-cluttering and reorganization.
But now we move to Lesson 4: God is faithful. So faithful and merciful. We have not despaired or been overwhelmed, largely because He has effectively led us to His Word for comfort and clarity. Passages about trust and faithfulness have come alive for me during this first left turn in my life. In the past, we've made some big decisions, but I could imagine the future with each step. This is the first time I can't see my way through. I can't see how it will work if we move or if we stay. And that's the place where faith thrives: "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1).
Does God care where Jon works or where we live? I think so. But He's mostly concerned with how we handle this uncertain situation. Do we turn to Him or do we turn away? My prayer is that we continually turn to Him. I don't know if uprooting will turn out to be a great thing with blessings just around the corner, or if this is just a sad turn of events that come from living in an imperfect world. We may never know, but as long as we keep our eyes fixed on what really matters, on our relationship with the Lord, we don't need to know.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." (1 Corinthians 9:24) We want the prize.
The big news came about 3-4 weeks ago, in a most Office Space-like style. As I understand it, the telephone conversation went something like this:
Head office: "You know how your lease is up in October?"
Local office: "Yes."
Head office: "Ummm, yah, soooo we're not going to be renewing that."
Suddenly Jon and his colleagues became that guy with the stapler. This leads me to Lesson 1: job security really is rare. Although I've known cognitively that Jon's position was a little precarious, I've never really embraced the mindset. I figured our lives here had worked out so well that surely we would be here forever. We had put down roots. This was supposed to be it.
Jon has been pursuing local job options, but viable opportunities are dwindling. What he does is pretty specialized, and most of that work is based out east. This leads me to Lesson 2: kids, don't specialize. At least, don't specialize too much. Choose a career with some flexibility, so you can be employed in various place. Like a doctor, or engineer, or teacher. Because let me tell you: location matters. And family matters. And friends matter. And the older you get, and the more kiddos you get, the harder it is to pull up those roots. That is lesson 3.
So are we definitely moving? No. Nothing is definite. Jon is pursuing one of those eastern jobs, but it's not a sure thing. And those other eastern opportunities? They are in places we couldn't possibly afford to live. So, we wait. If this falls through, we go to Plan C; C for Career Change. Also scary and precarious and may lead to moving.
It sounds a little dire, doesn't it? One could read this and get the sense that I (we) feel bitter and negative and are surely wearing our cranky pants. Admittedly, the initial shock led me to a quick shot of Tanqueray (No. 10, thank you), followed by a week or so of nausea and insomnia (doesn't everything lead me to insomnia?) and perhaps some cranky capris. That nervous energy funneled into obsessive cleaning and de-cluttering and reorganization.
But now we move to Lesson 4: God is faithful. So faithful and merciful. We have not despaired or been overwhelmed, largely because He has effectively led us to His Word for comfort and clarity. Passages about trust and faithfulness have come alive for me during this first left turn in my life. In the past, we've made some big decisions, but I could imagine the future with each step. This is the first time I can't see my way through. I can't see how it will work if we move or if we stay. And that's the place where faith thrives: "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1).
Does God care where Jon works or where we live? I think so. But He's mostly concerned with how we handle this uncertain situation. Do we turn to Him or do we turn away? My prayer is that we continually turn to Him. I don't know if uprooting will turn out to be a great thing with blessings just around the corner, or if this is just a sad turn of events that come from living in an imperfect world. We may never know, but as long as we keep our eyes fixed on what really matters, on our relationship with the Lord, we don't need to know.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." (1 Corinthians 9:24) We want the prize.
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