Sooo.... I guess we're here then.

For our entire married life (and truthfully, a long time before that), there has been "something" on the horizon for Jon and I. The nature of that something varied, whether it be finishing graduate school, getting a job, having a baby (or two), or buying a house. The one constancy was the impermanence of the present. There was always something new, some big change, to look forward to.

Well, we had those babies. We bought a house. Jon has a job that looks to be stable for the near future. We are here.

The thing is, I haven't really been here before. And lately, I've found myself thinking about what it would be like if Jon went back into academia or I went back to school. As I was packing up maternity clothes, I felt sad that I would not be wearing them again. (And yah, I won't be wearing them again. That ship has sailed.) There are upcoming events and challenges on the horizon, of course. Like our upcoming drive to see my parents this summer (18 hours! in an Accord! ack!). Or like solving The Mysterious Case of Anna's Allergies. But these are not big things. They are medium-sized regular-life things.

I'm not discontented. I like my life and I like staying at home with the kiddos. I feel strongly that God has put us here and has blessed us immensely and I am happy to be where He wants us to be. And lest Betty Friedan haunt me, I do have a sense of purpose and meaning in my life. What I'm saying is that the underpinnings of my occasional desires for a third child and/or a paying job and/or going back to school are resulting from the desire for another "big thing" in the distance. I've gotten used to the stress and framework that upcoming life changes bring with them. It's staying put that I am unschooled in.

So that's my challenge. I need to learn how to be where I am. To think more about the present and not the unknowable future. To enjoy my kids where they are right now, instead of thinking about how things will be when they're older. To think about painting my walls instead of changing my house. To use the education I have to serve the people around me, instead of going back to school for more. To embrace my home as my office (to use a friend's phrase) instead looking for employment.

What I'm NOT saying is that I will never do these things. Maybe we will adopt. Maybe I will get a job. Maybe Jon will change jobs. Maybe we will move to another city or even another country. But I'm not going to look for those things or expect them for awhile. First, I need to learn how to be here and now. I need to find contentment in this place in this time, because sometimes further growth and maturity can only happen when we're standing still. Just ask a tree.