"The difference between hope and despair is a good night's sleep."
I read this quote in some parenting magazine, and I think it's pretty accurate. There is something unique about the sporadic sleep patterns that come with parenthood, particularly if you're a mom (even more so if you're a nursing mom). Suddenly, the decision of when to wake or sleep is no longer your own. And no one else can fill in if you're worn out. You become irreplaceable.
This can be a satisfying feeling- how amazing that such a tiny creature needs and wants only you! It might be this sense of wonderment that protects many moms from the learned helplessness that might otherwise develop. Protects me, at any rate.
I bring this up because Isaac had a good night last night, for the first time in awhile. As with other good nights, I greet the next morning with these questions: Why last night? What made last night special? How can I ensure that this will happen again?
Yes, maybe there was something special about last night, but for me there is a danger in over-analyzing every little thing I did before, during, and after bed-time. And this over-analysis leads to something akin to superstitious behavior. Maybe he slept because he didn't nap too much during the day, or maybe because Jon gave him a bottle at midnight instead of 9:00, or maybe because it was Friday, or maybe because I swung a dead cat clockwise three times. The behavioral psychologist in me really wants to predict his future behavior with certainty. Unfortunately, there's nothing certain about the ever-changing infant. Maybe he just slept well. It's hard, but I'm trying to chill out about this uncertainty and just enjoy the mysteriousness of my little man.
Sleep will come, in time.
I love this, Sharon. I think my worldview must be a lot more fatalistic than most mothers' because I always great a good night's sleep (or a particularly well-received meal, or whatever success I'm greeted with in my children's lives) with the thought, "Well, how about that?" and a sense that it was a statistical fluke. :)
ReplyDeleteYou say fatalistic, but it sounds like contentment to me. I'm certainly a lot more content this time around, but there's a ways to go in that department. Especially in the sleep department. That's probably why I'm trying to read my fourth book on how to get one's child to sleep. I say "try" because in all my spare moments I'm trying to catch a nap.
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