Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Always choose the white icing

Recent observations, lessons learned (and relearned), and testable theories.

(1) If there is any possibility that one's preschooler will have a fit such that they make themselves throw up that extra valentine's brownie that you knew they shouldn't get anyway, then AT LEAST choose the brownie with the white icing and not the one with the bright Red Dye #5 icing. Especially if this fit will occur on, or near, a light coloured rug.

(2) Sometimes a simple misstep can have dire consequences. Case in point, on Sunday morning my dear mother tripped. And don't we all trip? Regularly? But here it resulted in a dislocated shoulder, broken nose, shattered finger, and so many cuts and bruises. My awesome brother sped down to take care of business (Dad was up north), and now she is home recovering. Dad is with her now, thankfully. But it sucks that I am so far away. It's also a reminder that Jon and I really need to get life insurance. Because you never know.

(3) School closures/delays/early dismissals due to inclement weather are seemingly random and without inclement-ness. But I may have discovered a clue to this cypher. The key may be the word ice when located somewhere in a county-wide weather alert. I will continue to investigate and test this theory.

(4) One nice thing about moving is our present lack of commitments. The upside of alone, if you will. Lately, we've enjoyed the lack of busy weekends, although week nights can still be full. That's the thing about all-day school, I guess. Extracurriculars are slotted into the dinner hour.

(5) Anna likes sushi. This time her favorite was the sweet potato maki rolls, but she ate a bunch of salmon and yellow tail rolls as well. This isn't the first time we've had sushi, but I thought maybe she would have changed her mind since then. Thankfully not. This bodes well for our culinary future as a family.

(6) Speaking of food, Isaac has very specific ideas on eating. Treats go down the "front throat," healthy foods tend towards "back throats" near the neck. Ice cream has it's own throat, somewhere near the front. Fluids likewise have their own throats. He claims this system gives him room for dessert, even when he's finished a fairly large meal.

(7) I've started to drink my coffee black. Not the first cup, but the second (or third some days). I feel this is a bad sign.

(8) Sunday was a fantastic hair day. I mentioned this to Jon and he thinks my hair looks the same every single day. This is a cliche, but there it is.

(9) Some time before April I will test the theory that bacon makes everything taste better. I will broadly define bacon to include a variety of smoked meats including (and possibly not limited to), proscuitto, back bacon (Canadian bacon in the U.S.), and ham. My methods will be varied and spread over the course of 5-7 days. Two out of three meals will incorporate bacon into one to three dishes. Participants will be asked to rate their culinary experiences using a Likert scale where 1 = "Bacon offered no improvement," and 5 = "I hated this dish until bacon was included and now I can't get enough." A novel negative Likert scale may also be included wherein -5 = "The inclusion of bacon in this dish made me want to rinse my mouth out with soap."
Participants will be paid at the standard rate of dessert.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Thirty things that make my three year old freak out.

My own list is inspired by the one on this blog, which is funnier than my list. So read mine first.

1) His socks have a "bump."
2) He did not get to blow out the match.
3) His sister went up the stairs first.
4) He wants to buckle himself into the car.
5) It's too hard to buckle himself into the car.
6) The car is TOO HOT! [Ambient temperature = 32 F]
7) His hands are TOO HOT! [Ambient temperature = Any]
8) He does not want to wash his hands.
9) He does not want to wash his hands alone.
10) He did not get to flush the potty.
11) The water, as he stands in the bath tub, is TOO HOT!
12) Fifteen minutes later, as he sits in the bath tub, the water is TOO COLD!
13) A soap bubble came within five inches of his eye.
14) He was told not to drink the vegetable dip.
15) Snow is not warm.
16) He cannot have hot ice cream.
17) Daddy left for work without giving him a hug. [Actual hug, 2 minutes prior.]
18) He does not want egg in his French toast.
19) He wants to GET OUT OF HERE!
20) His sister got to finish the last drop of Daddy's Coke.
21) I washed his owie, which healed two weeks ago.
22) It is TOO SUNNY. [Ambient light level = 10 lumens]
23) The food is TOO SPICY. [No actual spices added.]
23) Flu shots exist.
24) He did not see the stink bug before it was flushed away.
25) He saw the stink bug.
26) There are no youtube videos playing on the computer where Mommy is working.
27) Lotion threatened to touch his skin.
28) I hugged his sister in plain sight.
29) Wind.
30) I didn't play cars right.