Roller Coasters

The 6 a.m. shout out is always hard to recover from. But now that Isaac is back to sleep (?!!) I can steal some moments away and reflect on the autumn that was. I've been trying to think of a theme to tie the last few months together, and roller coasters seem appropriate. Here's why:

(1) Anna. Our trip to California this fall was FANTASTIC. As readers (or even casual observers) know, the logistics of this trip were stressing me out. Stress is nothing if not motivating, and I'm happy to say that all my planning paid off. We visited Disneyland for two days, Legoland for one day (thanks to the generosity of my sister-in-law; that place is expensive), and the beach and family on in-between days.

I love Disneyland. It still feels magical to me, and I like that it hasn't changed a bit since I was there almost two decades ago. Almost. The park was all decked out for the holidays, and rides like It's a Small World and the Haunted Mansion were appropriately attired. Very nice.
What surprised me about Anna's experience was that she preferred the roller coasters to the princess experiences. She went on every roller coaster in D.L. and Legoland, barely meeting the height requirements for some. True, we did stand in line for 45 minutes to meet Aurora and Snow White, but it wasn't the focal point.
*sniff* My girl is growing up!

What I learned from Isaac is that three is just too young. My car loving boy hated Autopia (a tough pill for mommy to swallow after standing in line 45 minutes), and refused to go on any rides involving "tunnels." This latter attitude was my fault. I took him on Snow White's Scary Adventure, and he screamed the whole way through (at least it added to the ambiance). He liked a few things, like Astro Blasters (riding in circles in the sky) and the Goofy Go-Coaster (pre-school sized roller coaster) and Toon Town (mostly free play). But Legoland was really his game. Both kids had a great time there, and there were more rides suited to his age. He just about had an aneurysm when he saw the Star Wars section - all the major movie scenes built out of Legos. He couldn't even speak.

(2) Holidays and Hurricanes. Our fun alternated with some less thrilling adventures. Hurricane Sandy, for example. Luckily, our corner of Maryland escaped the brunt of the storm, so we were only out of power for less than a day. Not knowing this ahead of time, our pre-storm preparations assumed the worst. Since this was our first hurricane, preparations took a lot of forethought and planning. Read: major time suck. They also closed the schools for a few days, so entertaining kiddos became a challenge as well. They sure enjoyed having the power out, I have to say. It was a real adventure.

Halloween, shortly after, was great. People really do it up around here. Many sit outside their homes in costume to give out candy, giving a community feel to the event. Anna (Pink Panther) and Isaac (Darth Vader) stayed out collecting candy for about 1.5 hours. They could have gone longer, but Jon (and then I) became chilly.

Thanksgiving weekend alternated between visiting with friends old and new, and recovering from the California vacation. And then December came with it's own oscillations. There is always the joy of decorating and baking and wrapping presents and watching those classic Christmas specials. Anna and I even strung a few lines of popcorn. But this year there have been some low points, too. For example, the viruses are all brand new and have been hitting us hard. This past week we couldn't get Anna's asthma under control, and ended up in the ER. She's on an inhaled steroid now, and will be as long as we live here.
As Dickens says, this is also the time of year when "want is felt most keenly." Our "want" is the familiarity of family and friends. Not a day goes by when the kids don't ask for their old home and/or family and/or friends. Happily, Jon's parents will arrive on Christmas Day and stay with us for awhile. That will be a great present.

(3) Stay or go? This is the question occupying the background of our thoughts. Now that the busy autumn is behind us, the shock of actually being here has settled in, bringing with it the tension of uncertainty. I do not doubt that we should be here, and my devotions constantly remind me that the future is in the hands of God and I do not need to worry about it. And I'm not worried, really. It's more.... unsettled-ness. I'd like to know where we stand. And I'm spending entirely too much energy neither liking Maryland too much (lest we leave) nor too little (lest we stay). What I actually need to do is take each day as it comes and learn to lean on Him. This is an opportunity to be reminded about where my strength actually comes from. Where it needs to come from. "Rejoicing in weakness" is not a Christian cliche (despite the frequency with which this term can be thrown around), but an opportunity I don't want to miss.

So there is a small snap shot of our autumn. The sun is now up, and it's Jon's birthday! I shall head upstairs to make French toast, grab some more coffee, and check everyone's eyes. (Pink eye broke out during Anna's Christmas party, which Isaac and I also attended. There was a brief period yesterday evening when Jon noticed my eyes were quite red. Turned out they were just very tired.)

Merry Christmas!

Raw nerve seeking astrocyte

1) I am over-caffeinated. Curse you, pumpkin spice coffee.

2) I'm trying to save my latest Jasper Fforde novel until our November vacation. It's so rare that I find a book I like, that I want to be in a relaxed frame of mind while I read it. Reading in 5 minute, half asleep, chunks before bed doesn't seem right.

3) It took me eight seasons to realize that House was just a medical version of Sherlock Holmes. The incredible, recent BBC version of the latter is also over (for now). We also finished Battlestar Galactica, Stargate Universe, and Downton Abbey. I was sad until I discovered Once. The idea of it is sufficiently interesting that I'm willing to overlook the sometimes stilted acting, often awkward dialogue, and consistently bad CG.

4) Looking at 2 and 3 above, it appears I only like mysteries, science fiction, and nursery crime, with occasional dalliances into period drama. Fine.

5) I still do not hate Maryland. This is surprising given the following in and around our house: invasive stink bugs, wandering marbled orbweaver spiders, cicada killers, speedy foot long earth worms, lightning fast spider crickets, and the horror-which-shall-not-be-named which has a million legs, is at least 2 inches long, eats other bugs, and whose name I truly can't remember.

6) Anna hasn't made any good friends at school, and I don't know why. It's also becoming apparent that she is a strong auditory learner (her memory blows me away), and I don't think schools are set up for that. She will be a slow to average reader, I think. At the same time, her spatial skills are superb. I suspect the school I picked out for her in CO would have been a much better fit. But thinking about that is useless and makes me sad.

7) I am wicked lonely. So, I'm thinking again about joining Twitter. It's the next best thing to friends!

8) My mom and brother are traveling in Turkey. My mom has never been outside of Canada/US before, so I feel this is a big deal. I am thrilled for them. I am also wondering if they will try Turkish delight and whether the Turkish people actually call them Turkish delights. Or just delights.

9) Isaac remembers names, recognizes letters, and knows their sounds. I think he will be an early reader. Take that, gender-predicted differences in learning!

10) Meeting people at our church has been a glacial process. Once again, I have to congratulate our former church on their integrative skills, which of course I didn't fully appreciate at the time.

11) Is there anything more dangerous than judging the Jedi Master Competition in your three year old's small bedroom whilst two children bandy about with their light sabers? No, there is not.

12) The autumn foliage has been spectacular. I'm told this is not usual. This makes me thankful that we can enjoy it this year.

13) Of all the people I've talked to, only four were not born and raised in this area. I've never lived anywhere like that before. Is this why I have the sense that we're looked upon with a bit (a tiny tiny bit) of... suspicion is too strong a word. Maybe, uncertainty? On a related note, the only people that have made efforts to get to know us are not from this area (see first sentence). This has made it easy for me to get in touch my internal hermit (she says "hello!")

14) We are deciding whether to continue to pour money into our car(s) or sell one and get a minivan. We can't really afford a minivan, but I hate throwing good money after bad. And if we don't end up staying here, I'd like to sell both cars before we move to wherever it is that we'll land next. So yah, it would be nice to know what's going to happen next.

The Miraculous in the Common

Reading my devotional this morning I was reminded to be thankful, even when things are not working out as planned. Timely, given that this weekend is Thanksgiving (in Canada, that is).
In honour of the holiday, here's my latest Thankful list. In honour of the holiday locale, I will use a "u" wherever possible.

(1) Apples. We've gone picking numerous times this season, and don't seem to tire of it. Apples, banal as they seem, are one of my favourite fruits. So many varieties, so much versatility. Raw or cooked. Sauteed or baked. Dessert or dinner. Fresh off the tree, one realizes how delicious and unique they can be. Sorry Colorado, but your apples all tasted the same. So far, we've made applesauce, apple butter, apple pie, apple cobbler, apple crisp, pork with sauteed apples, and soon caramel apples. Cyanide doesn't scare us.

(2) Internet. As a child, we went on numerous amazing road trips. Today, I can't find the grocery store without Google maps. Mom, how did you do it? I am in the midst of planning our California trip and I am just so thankful for the immediate information I can access on the web. Not to mention the child sized nose clips I can easily find and order for Anna. And the recipes for fennel and patty pan squash and other fun veggies the kids (and I... mostly I) pick out at the produce stand. As I reread this, I see themes of "ease" and "immediate." So maybe I'm just basking in my laziness. I can live with that.

(3) Autumn. Who doesn't like autumn? People with allergies, I guess. But other than that, who doesn't like autumn? I'm told that October is when the leaves start to change here, and sure enough there are bits of red and orange starting to peek out from the oceans of green. And there is still so much green that these warm colours seem translucent and otherworldly in their singularity.
I am relieved since I didn't know what to expect. In September, some trees just dried up and dropped their brown litter, and what is the point of Maryland's crap summer if one can't at least have a nice fall? I'm hopeful that crisp days will soon be here, as well. [Crisp = cool and not humid. Jon says not to hold my breath.]

(4) Employment. I'm going to state the obvious here. The "greater purpose" to our Md move might be that Jon has a job. I'm unsure how to express this, but I've been hoping that there was some deeper meaning to the uprooting we've endured. I can't even verbalize what that thing is, or what would make it deep. Something social, maybe? Perhaps something about the kid's education? Just an obvious answer to why we're in Md, and if you please, make it something profound. But with widespread unemployment and underemployment, I realized how thankful I am simply that Jon is employed. That needs to be reason enough to be content here.

(5) Washing machines. People, I keep coming back to this because I don't think I can say it enough.
Dirty clothes go in, clean clothes come out. This. Is. Magic. Right in your own home!

(6) Mum. Mum just returned home, after blessing us with 10 days of her presence. We didn't do anything in particular, partly because I'm still unfamiliar with the area and partly because of ill children (when will the viruses stop? Seriously.) Mostly we just explored some local parks, picked apples, baked, things like that. Jon and I went out for dinner a couple of times which was soooo nice. And Grandma took each kiddo on a outing. Tea with Anna, coffee with Isaac. They were thrilled!
Less thrilling were the flu shots, but I was quite happy Grandma was here for that, too (I can't speak for Grandma herself on this matter). Anna handled it very well - the Oreo cookie bribe was quite effective. Isaac.... well, he's three. So he was pretty much out the rest of the day. Recovery might have been faster if it had not been for the second needle 15 minutes later. This updated vaccination was a surprise to all of us. Mostly for him.

In other news, I found out that E.A. Poe lived in Baltimore.
Figures.

Is that sunshine?

It IS sunshine. Seems most mornings bring clouds, but today it's sunny and bright and cool. And still humid of course. Maryland seems to be one of those places where you can be both cold and sweaty at the same time.

It's Sunday, and I'm trying to decide whether to go running or wait until tomorrow. Probably I should wait. I'm at a point where exercising more than two days in a row puts my body at risk for total break down. But it's still tempting to go when I see the sunshine out there. On the other hand, wouldn't it be nice to have pancakes for breakfast?

Another week of school has come and gone, and I think we're finding a rhythm for those weekdays. I wasn't sure how I'd like the daily grind of drop off and pick up, but I think it suits us just fine. It gets Isaac and me out the door and either to the gym or the grocery store or whatever errand needs our attention. And in the afternoon we try to arrive early so Isaac can run around in the playground a bit and dissipate some of that energy. I also like seeing the teacher each day, if only to say hello or goodbye. I'm hoping to get the chance to help out in the classroom a bit. It's hard to get the "news" from Anna at the end of the day, since of course she's only five, so helping out is the next best thing. I also considered joining the PTA, but I'm foregoing that for now. I have a tendency to put too much on my plate, which makes me overly busy and crabby with the kids. So I'm trying to keep things mellow.

As for the weekends, they continue to be a challenge. It's not just the reduced structure, since we actually have a bit of a weekend routine going. Our kids just can't play alone for any significant period, and it continues to drive Jon nuts (because he gets the brunt of it on weekends). I sound like a broken record, so I'll stop complaining about that now.
And to be fair, yesterday seemed to turn out well for everyone. After a visit to the gym, we trekked out to a museum with lots of tanks and huge artillery guns. As we walked around you could see Isaac's thoughts written on his face: "Every event in my life has led up to this moment. I am now a boy fulfilled." Particular favorites were a vehicle made up entirely of wheels and a giant gun, as well as big... missile launcher? His thoughts on the latter, spoken in quiet awe: "That is the longest gun in the world. That gun can touch the sky."
For Anna, the highlight was likely a small beach we found. She collected some shells and saw the water. And we came across a dead crab which obviously needed some investigation. I was impressed that she offered up some information about the tides. Knowledge gleaned from "Busytown" apparently. Isaac just wanted to continue man's quest to throw all the rocks back into the water. He made some headway.

Later that afternoon, during a rainstorm, Jon took the kids outside where they frolicked in the down pour and got wonderfully soaked. The rain isn't cold here, which is always surprising.
And after all of THAT, the kiddos actually played by themselves for about 40 minutes. This was Mommy's highlight of the day. I took the time to work on a photo book detailing our move - places and people we said goodbye to, the drive here, and a bit about our new home.

Never mind that none of this was sufficient to use up their energy, and never mind that this led to a 9 p.m. rave/NASCAR-style race around the upstairs. Never mind that no one got to bed until way too late, and as a result mommy got up too late to go running. Because pancakes are yummy.

Here we go

Anna has a few days of kindergarten under her belt, and with the long weekend here I have some time to reflect on it. Honestly, I hadn't given this new beginning much thought until the night before she started. Then the magnitude hit me and I felt a combination of ... trepidation? angst? annoyance? fear? Something negative and nebulous, anyway.

Her meltdowns after the first day didn't calm my fears. I envisioned a future where the fuss wasn't lessened by a day at school, but rather compacted and unwrapped upon the return home. The biggest trigger was that Isaac had watched a TV show while she was gone. Oh, the horror! The unfairness! In fact, the next morning Anna reminded me that Isaac should not watch any TV while she was gone. As it happens, she has watched "shows" each day while at school so Isaac's media habits have not concerned her. [Aside: I'm a little surprised at the quality of some of the programs Anna tells me about. Of course, I'm getting this second hand. And I remind myself that if I were stuck in a room with that many 5 year olds for a whole day, they'd be probably be consuming a lot more media.]

So why my trepidation? Jon couldn't understand why I wasn't jumping for joy. He had a point. It's obvious Anna need a challenge. She's bored and lonely. She wants to learn, but refuses to be taught by her parents.
Yes, but....
First, this is not a school I researched and chose. Primarily, it is not the Colorado school I so lovingly researched and applied for and that she was accepted to. Admittedly, some sour grapes there. But also, this school district didn't hit my radar when we were looking at houses. I didn't consider it an option until the day before we chose the house. It's a relative unknown.
The other negative is that the program is full day. That's a big change for someone accustomed to 2.5 hours of preschool 3 days a week. It also means that we have less flexible time. Honestly, that's probably the crux of it. I'm not ready to hand my daughter over to the school system in such a big way. I still want her with me so we can go out or stay home, bake cookies or take a class, swim or find an orchard. There's so much to do outside the classroom.

The good news is that Anna seems to be enjoying kindergarten. Or at least, not disliking it. It's hard to get a read on things from a 5 year old, but she doesn't complain when we leave the house in the morning. In fact, she gets a kick out of having the same "work" schedule as Daddy. She's also getting some exercise during recess (provided it isn't oppressively hot) and can focus on eating her lunch in the busy cafeteria. I haven't heard about much drama with classmates, and I continue my prayer that she finds a close friend. We also like her teacher, the classroom itself, and the fact that they have specials like gym, art, and music.
What does surprise me is that Anna is not tired after school. I was going to hold off on extra-curriculars until later in the semester, but it seems she needs something sooner than later. She still struggles with going to sleep, so we're going to do something active like swim lessons. Maybe we can dabble in some local exploration, after all.

What was, what is, and what is to come

I'm ready to just skip over autumn and head to Christmas. Maybe it's the comfort and familiarity that comes with Christmas tradition. Maybe it's the feeling of coziness and an excuse to not go anywhere during those cold days. Maybe it's the desserts (confession: I love fruitcake) and mulled wine. Probably it's the mulled wine.

But it's August, school hasn't even started yet, and I need to pull it together. It's been a little over a month since we left Colorado and I'm still processing what has happened and where I am. I've been sick the last couple of days, which has slowed me down and encouraged some reflection (and boredom - please kiddos, no more pretend games. I love you, but please no more.) Obviously, a lot happened this month, so I'm just going to throw down some random thoughts. I'm too scattered to fit them into a narrative, so bullet points will have to suffice.

What Was...

• Driving from CO to MD was fantastic. The kids did very well and we enjoyed seeing various sights and just being together.
• There is a Tim Hortons in Ohio. This made my Dad's day.
• This summer has seen Anna become very comfortable in water. So much so that she jumped into the deep end of a hotel pool without (a) knowing how to swim, (b) her life vest, (c) someone to catch her. A lack of heating in that pool also contributed to the overall negativity of the event.
• As expected, Kansas is very big and very flat. But it also had some of the most interesting sites (e.g., The Sternberg Museum which is super cool).
• Biggest road trip regret: We did not stop at the Russell Stover chocolate factory.
• Midwest churches seem to have a penchant for erecting extremely large crosses. These crosses seem to be made by the same company.

• The St. Louis Arch is spectacular at sunset. Driving away from the arch while viewing fireworks from a just-ended baseball game is highly recommended.

• I felt like the "Gateway to the West" really was a gateway for us. St. Louis was the midpoint of the trip, and I had a feeling of finality as we drove away.
• Somewhere in Kansas Jon's "check engine" light came on. Turns out it was nothing, but you can guess the subsequent mood that descended.
• Have you ever eaten dinner while surrounded by animatronic dinosaurs? You should, in Kansas City, MO.
• The National Museum of the US Air Force is huge. You could spend days wandering around, and I was thankful to have a large air conditioned space to run my children.
• We drove through that part of WV jutting northward. I cannot believe how beautiful it was. Took my breath away.
• Picking peaches and apples is one of my favorite eastern things to do, so I made a point of peach picking during our first weekend in MD. Strangely, the peaches didn't taste any better than store bought. 

• The base and pedals on Jon's electric piano busted during the move. It is now experiencing phantom-pedal syndrome, stuck on the damper.

What Is....

• Trees are beautiful, but I miss the sky.
• I like living in a smaller space - I think we're using each room more efficiently. Granted, about 25% of our belongings are stored in the basement, but it's nice to do more with less.
• It's hard to clean anything with both kids home all the time.
• We miss our friends. A lot.
• I am thankful for central a/c.
• I cannot overemphasize how difficult and expensive it is to register cars here.
• Both Jon and I are saddened by the respective lack of pecans and rice cakes at the markets in this part of the world.
• At least one kid has been ill ever since we arrived. Perhaps viruses are regional.
• Anna has lost two baby teeth in quick succession. Bravely, she allowed Daddy to remove both. She has a cute lisp now.
• Jon's commute is longer. We are adjusting.

What is to come....

• I feel "meh" about Anna's school. I hope it surprises me. 
• I am sad that the kindergarten is full day. I'm not ready for that. And neither is Isaac.
• I pray for a good friend for Anna. A friend close in age that can keep up with her imaginative games and is a positive influence. For Isaac, I just pray that he doesn't hit anybody at preschool.
• Disneyland in November! It will be good to have some family time.
• I really really want to like it here. Moving is so hard. So I really want to like it here. 

"And so it goes."

The truck is loaded and gone, the house is clean and empty and eerily quiet. I wander outside and consider the peach tree which, thanks to an early spring, is loaded with fruit for the first time. In contrast, a single apple hangs from the other tree, grown to large proportions thanks to it's uniqueness. The space where the swing set stood is barren, and I remember how Jon and my dad rushed to build it in the days before and after Isaac was born.
Back inside.. still that unnerving quiet. The kids are with Jon's parents now, as my own parents and I finish the last minute cleaning. Everything went very smoothly. Packing and loading went exactly as expected, and we used about as much space in the truck as I predicted. Not everything made the final cut, but all items found good homes which is as much as I could ask for. Cleaning went faster than expected, minus an unfortunate incident involving my foot and the sharp edge of the shower door. [At least both parties had been recently scoured.]
The other aspects of moving - paperwork, logistics, phone calls, maps, planning road trip activities - are also complete. We need only pack the cars and go.
All of these steps were made possible by the heroic efforts of our friends and family. My mom took the brunt of  child care during moving day(s), arguably the hardest job. I wanted the kids to see what was happening to the house, to ease the transition and help them understand that their treasures are in fact coming with us. So they observed, played with some friends, and tried to "help" as much as possible. It was rough at times. And as much as I wanted to involve the kids, moving is grown up work. Suffice it to say, my mom had her work cut out for her.
Meanwhile, Jon played the giant game of Tetris that is loading a truck. He's always had a good eye for this, and stacked our bins and boxes and furniture higher than I thought possible. By the end he was more mentally tired than physically tired. Thankfully, over the three final days many friends helped with the lifting and carrying and cleaning. One dear friend even provided breakfast that first day. Others came to say goodbye, making me wonder again why we are doing this.

These are my thoughts as I walk through the empty house, checking the cupboards and rooms one last time (yes, there is a forgotten item in the very last cupboard), making sure everything is in order. Not just for our benefit, but because I want the new people to enjoy this house. As my neighbor put it, home selling/buying can create a seeming enemy where none actually exists. We've certainly had that sensation, and it's not a nice note to leave on. So, I try to make peace with this transition as closing looms.

And now here they are - the sobs that I knew were coming (better now than at the closing!*). Past moves were welcomed, but this one is different. This one is the giant tree stump being pulled slowly and painfully from the ground. Am I saddened by the roots pulled up, or afraid of the unseen place where the stump will land? At last, I think just the former. So the sobs don't last. The carver will turn the stump into a beautiful sculpture no matter where it lands.

So even as the kids cry and ask to go home, and even as I find it hard to lock the door that last time, and even as we allow ourselves this time of mourning, I know the intensity of feeling will pass. Adventures await, and community is where you make it. And between here and there, are many wonders to behold - World's Largest Wind Chime, anyone?

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*Update: I cried at the closing. And I really don't recommend it.